A major part of running is learning to manage internal conflict. Cartoonist, ultra runner, Matt Inman (The Oatmeal), understands this. My ass most often does not want to get out of bed at 5:30am and run. Trust me, this is a continual internal argument that I “manage” through practiced ignoring and the promise of a hot bath at end.
His image of The Blerch chasing him, trying to convince him to sit back down, is in all of our heads at times. My blerch is chasing me, very slowly as I am not known for speed, trying to get me onto the sofa in that damn green hooded bathrobe my mother got me one Christmas when I was a teenager. That robe has a reputation that gets pulled out frequently and it will forever be chasing me, just waiting to pull the hood strings tightly down so only my eyes (for watching TV), nose, and mouth (for Ben and Jerrys) show.
Managing the conflict of run versus sofa, is a secret, shameful part of me. We should all be strong and amazoney type women, without weakness, right? Because I run, I should be wanting to run, I should love running. Running sucks! It’s painful, exhausting, and at times quite boring. That’s the blerchy side of me and I feel I should strike it out from public view as a grand family secret that the neighbors should not know.
The other side of the argument is actually in favor of the Amazon woman that I have hidden inside me that I do want seen: loud and proud.
I have learned that at times it can be helpful when I’m running, tired, convinced I can not take another step, fighting stop, that yelling “Shut Up Brain!” loudly can be quite helpful. Thankfully, since I do run rather early in the morning and in an area that no one but boat owners can hear me, it’s alright to do just this. Internal conflict won….for at least another ½ mile.